From my own personal experience excessive drinking is usually more of a symptom than a problem. I was actually able to get my life straightened out while going through several years of inebriation - having long discussions with friends over many pints, listening to their problems, as well, and doing a lot of thinking. I definitely get many chances to make an ass of myself, and I can now say I can do that without being drunk! After figuring out what and who I was, I was able to move on with my life - the drinking naturally stopped because I didn't need it any more.

I can't help but feel in your post that drinking is not the real issue here. Maybe issues of trust, or self esteem? You have friends, a boy friend, and you're trying to deal with stuff. You're obviously strong enough to face the fact that SOMETHING is amiss. Have a bit more faith in yourself and you'll figure it out in time. I'll send a few positive thoughts your way in the meantime!

I noticed that you got depressed (and subsequently drunk) when your boyfriend was out of town. That is the first place I would start. I think El Efe had a handle on it when he mentioned trust and self esteem. You should ask yourself why your happiness is tied to your boyfriend.

Do you trust him to be away? Do you feel guilty for having fun when he is not around? Have you lost your sense of self and your personal desires and goals?

I sure will send happy energy your way. Just remember that you can be gifted many great things, but you have to be willing to take them.